Hello again, Muggle friends; it’s me, Clark. It’s been a while, and I thought I’d catch up with you a little... in a word, to answer the question that most often comes up on my MySpace page: “Dude, are you for real? Seriously, what IS your story?”
There’s not much to tell, actually. I grew up in a household much like everyone else’s. Sure, it wasn’t exactly Ozzie and Harriet; I often went to bed listening to my parents arguing about my future. And while it was nice to know that they were worried about me, I know it took a toll on them. A lot of the kids I knew were having a rough time too, with one or the other of their parents just packing up and walking out on the family, but I had it even worse: both my parents walked out on each other and left on the same day, in the same car! What’re the odds? I knew they were going to come back soon though, because they had left the gas stove on, but forgot to light the pilot. LOL...and they say *I’m* forgetful??
And they did come back eventually, and things are getting back to normal. Mom sits in her room all day listening to a loop of her favorite songs – “How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away” and “If I Could Turn Back Time” – and watching reruns of "Get a Life!,” "Boy Meets World” and "Jackass.” And she’s still worrying about my future; even offering some encouraging suggestions, like “get out,” “hit the road,” “take a hike” and “go jump in a lake.” I never knew she was so high on nature! But that’s what lit a fire under me (she claims the pack of lit Pall Malls that dropped on my seat cushion was an accident), and I knew what I had to do: Go back to college!
I told Mom about my plans and she was delighted, and couldn’t wait to help me pack. In no time, I had piled all my Archie comics and a six-pack of
Underoos into an Atari box, and headed out the front door, where a cab was already waiting for me (listen in much, Netscape??). I jumped in, and when the cabbie asked me where I was going, I replied “Southern New Hampshire University!” He sighed and looked back at me and said “Kid, that’s a virtual university...you attend from home” (I thought the ad said “virtuous”... guess I need to up my lens prescription). So he let me out, but not before he told me he still had to charge me a ”dim bulb fee.” Uh, really? Fix your own darn headlights! Sheesh!
Anyway, I walked back up the driveway, only to find the front door locked. Mom peeked through the curtains and when she saw it was me, she was so excited, it took her almost 20 minutes to back off the deadbolt. Geez, Mom, take your time; I’m not going anywhere!
So now, here I sit in my new basement digs (apparently, during my walk to the cab, Mom had turned my room into a shrine, leaving it exactly the same as it was before I was born). Yep, it’s just me, a box of Hot Pockets, my VIC-20 and a strange odor of gas that I can’t seem to locate. Who says you can’t go home again? Besides Mom, that is.
And here it is today. I was very surprised when Cap'n Rick reached out and asked me if I had any good meta puzzles for SSS. Now the Cap'n must be getting up there in years, because he asked me the same question after I sent him this one. Fortunately, he said there were only a few things that needed to be changed (i.e. title, prompt, mechanism, themers, fill, answer, etc.), so after several revisions, I'm happy to offer you this puzzle, which I am looking forward to solving myself someday.
The meta answer is a 12-letter group that I belong to.
"Talkin' 'bout My Generation"
Crosshare
PUZ
Good luck. I guess I'm supposed to post some nudges later today.
Regards,
Clark
